Thursday, 6 September 2012

The different camps of Christian misogyny

This was intended to be a survey of the various forms of misogyny seen on the Christian right. However I got to three and then stopped because I realised that I was nowhere near done and had already identified more forms of misogyny than there are breeds of elephant, and the realisation was so depressing I had to go cry in the dark. Intelligent design my arse.

The Hand-Wringer

It's not that this guy thinks women are bad; it's just that the poor, misguided creatures don't know what's good for them. It's not really their fault, though; you see, today's womens have been fooled by immoral Modern Society into acting against their own interests. It's not his own patriarchal standing he's concerned with, of course (perish the thought!); he's all about protecting THEM from their own, naturally destructive feminine desires for "equality", and "respect", which are really just euphemisms for the empty horror of their Godless existence.


What It Sounds Like

Here are Rick Santorum and Tony Perkins, hand-wringing about exactly how the poor womens have been duped by nasty feminism:

  • “Sadly the propaganda campaign launched in the 1960s has taken root.... The radical feminists succeeded in undermining the traditional family and convincing women that professional accomplishments are the key to happiness.” - Rick Santorum

  • "This law is a victory for women and their unborn children. We thank Gov. McDonnell and Virginia's pro-life legislators for their work to ensure that women have all the facts and will no longer be kept in the dark about their pregnancies. Ultrasounds are vitally important to doctors when determining the health of an unborn baby. Women considering whether to have an abortion should be just as informed as doctors about the child they are carrying. This law ensures that they are." - Conservative Family Research Council President Tony Perkins. (The law he was talking about was the infamous forced ultrasound bill, which dictates that women seeking abortion must have a compulsive penetrative scan, view their baby, and listen to its heart beat as part of the abortion process. This heartbroken woman didn't feel that the law was, as he claims, a victory for women and a crucial part of being informed about her own body; in fact, she felt it to be a cruel and unusual form of slut-punishment. Then again, she's probably a feminist.)

The Biologist

This guy isn't saying women are inferior: science is. You gonna argue with science? Of course you are, because that's what women do. All The Studies say so.

What It Sounds Like 

  • "It is a curious scientific fact (explained in evolutionary biology by the Trivers-Willard hypothesis — Willard, notice) that high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap.... Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain. Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes. From an evolutionary point of view, Mitt Romney should get 100 percent of the female vote. All of it. He should get Michelle Obama’s vote." - Kevin D. Williamson, National Review editor
And of course, you can't talk biology-based misogynist apologism without:

  • “First of all, from what I understand from doctors, (pregnancy from rape) is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” Todd Akin on why sluts shouldn't be allowed baby-killing whore pills, let alone actual abortion.

 The Balls-Out Vagina Hater

This guy is a lot like the two above, except that he doesn't screw around with paternalistic pleading or pseudo-feminist bullshit - he openly hates women and doesn't care who knows it. In fact, he WANTS you to know it: if he could look you dead in the eye while stomping on a vagina, he would, because fuck those bitches. Actually, the only reason he doesn't is because God would be offended

You see, God doesn't like vaginas. You'd think that would make him okay with men stomping on them, but actually He doesn't like them so hard that not only does He refuse to touch one even when impregnating a virgin; He detests the thought of anyone touching one, ever. So He teaches His followers to be on their guard against those evil female wiles. Because they want you to touch their vaginas. They want you to do what God doesn't want you to.

"The fuck do you think He put it under the fig-leaf, you MASSIVE HOE?"

And because women to this man exist solely as receptacles of temptation to men, they must be subject to them, in order that the men can keep all their evil in check. It's In The Bible: Eve convinced Adam to join her in her sin of eating the fruit, therefore God made Adam lord and master over her. And that's why, although all women are evil, it's those who don't accept their subjugation who are the most evil of all.

Women do not exist as autonomous, reasoning beings to this man. Actually men don't either, except as soldiers in the war against vaginas - but women especially don't. So while male disciples of their creed are allowed to be several different brands of stomach-churning, from obedient mindless worshipper to insufferable thundering preacher laying down the law, women come in only one salvationable flavour: housewife/mother. This guy doesn't like women much any way you slice them, but the ones who want - or, even more unthinkably, demand - any more than this from life, are the lowest of the low. In fact, they're downright dangerous, and a threat  in ways that are kind of vague that but definitely involve the destruction of everything good in the right-thinking Christian man's world.

What It Sounds Like

  • "The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." - Pat Robertson

  • "What does it say about the college co-ed Sandra Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex, what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute.... So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch." - Rush Limbaugh
  • ‘For God reveals himself in male terms. He is our father, not our mother; our king, not our queen; our husband, not our wife (Ba’al, not Astarte). God incarnate had to be a man. An androgynous Christ, much less an effeminate one, would be a distorted image. Christian feminists constantly refer to some statements in the Bible applying feminine terminology to both God and Jesus, implying that in some mysterious way they are bi-sexual and would be thought of more accurately as such.... We are in danger of changing the image of God into a reflection of the sexual confusion of our secular society, a deity who has more in common with Hermaphrodite than with Yahweh, the father of Jesus.’ J. David Pawson (this guy has the distinction of being a British professional dickbag. The principle is basically the same, but with more tea.) 

  • "It's unfortunate that men are so weak, they've been so intimidated that they allow these women to just run wild and screw up everything - including their souls, and their children. [Women] ... have no patience because it's not in their nature. They don't have love. They don't have love.... I think that one of the greatest mistakes America made was to allow women the opportunity to vote. We should've never turned this over to women. And these women are voting in the wrong people. They're voting in people who are evil who agrees [sic] with them, who're gonna take us down this pathway of destruction. And this probably was the reason they didn't allow women to vote when men were men. Because men in the good old days understood the nature of the woman. They were not afraid to deal with it. And they understood that, you let them take over, this is what would happen. Wherever women are taking over, evil reigns." - The utterly batshit Rev. Jesse Peterson.

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